Thursday, September 28, 2006

Weapons of math instruction

I just received this email from my friend Deva, which I could'nt resist posting.

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.


Deepak Wassan said...

Hi Chutki, The President may soon have something smarter to do than just counting his fingers and toes. Read on.

Washington, DC (AP) -- Congress today announced that the office of
President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India
as of September 15, 2006. The move is being made in order to save the
President's $500,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 trillion
in deficit expenditures and related overhead the office has incurred during the last 5 years.
"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should
be significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We
cannot expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the
current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assumingthe office of President as of October 1, 2006.
Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were
vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the
position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no
health coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh
will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the US Government will be open.
"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer
call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President."
A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be
fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President,
this should not be a problem as President Bush was not familiar with
the issues either. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will
enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using
these canned responses, he can address common concerns without
having to understand the underlying issues at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson. "President Bush has used them successfully for years."
Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his
final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he
will be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 13 weeks.
Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.
Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower,
Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job
transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in
securing a new position due to limited practical or successful work
experience. A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to
Bush's extensive experience shaking hands, as well as his goofy smile

rama said...

Hi Deepak, that's hilaaaaaaaarious! Best, chutki

samuru999 said...

Good one!
And great comment from deepak!
Had me laughing!!!
Ha ha ha!!!!